the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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