Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
