You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize