hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
