I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
