I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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