If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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