I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
