I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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