we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
