You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They have beer where we have blood.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
