We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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