so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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