let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
