dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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