This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
