mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
