Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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