My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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