I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
