3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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