I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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