when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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