dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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