I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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