The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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