do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
