I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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