Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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