bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
