dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
