just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
