someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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