I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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