I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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