1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
