the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
