mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
