Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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