If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
