Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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