I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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