And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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