After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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