Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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