Umm I'm too high to move.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no you cant smoke seaweed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
