just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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