Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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