Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
