I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
