A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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