I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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