...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
