Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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