just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
