I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
