I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
