omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize