I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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