I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
