I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
