he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
