he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I could fuck to npr.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
