i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there was a trapeze. enough said
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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