You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Boobs are out for the taking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
