Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
