Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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