tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
