..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
