she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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