Cold hands, warm shart.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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