I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
false alarm. still invincible.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
