I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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