That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
